My dad died in January - he was exactly 80 years and 11 months old. My siblings and I have all rallied around our mom; married for nearly 59 years, it's a huge adjustment for her but she's really doing well - I'm VERY proud of her. But this has required the selling of the home they lived in since the early 1970s (side note: my three siblings all lived in that house with them, at some point, for some years - but not me; I never lived in this house with the rest of the family). Still, even though I haven't lived in it, it is nonetheless the home to which I've returned for Christmases and Thanksgivings and assorted birthdays and other holidays, the home in which loads of childhood memories reposed, having moved with them from Los Angeles to San Diego.
Back in 1973 when they sold the house in L.A., I wrote the following song - and it's been resonating in my head for weeks now...
Cannot Go Home Anymore *redux*
Feeling awkward and clumsy - and fallen from grace
the doors and the windows are closed in my face
I feel displacedall the locks have been changed
and we cannot go home anymore
The woman is awkward, the child is wise
so look at this placed through those innocent eyes
they don't see the lies that live in the woodwork
and we cannot go home anymore
I wish that I could do without it
sing and laugh and shout about it
wish I could see through the walls
and the curtain calls
that put on this show, but no--
The lighting is different, you can see that at a glance
and standing divided we are trying to dance
they sealed the past
revealed at last
that we cannot go home anymore
(copyright Moonbird Music Co., 1974 - all rights reserved)
Lynn,
ReplyDeleteI've been rather lax in my blogging, but received your comment (at "Jesus for King") and appreciate the empathy. By the way, I like your poem.
It's always nice to find another fan of David Ruis. Was just listening to "Cry Mercy." That there's a wild CD. Have you heard "The Mystery"? It's maybe my favorite Ruis project (and another wild one), a collaboration with Rik Leaf and Kim McMechan (you may find it under "kede-r"; the name the trio has given given itself); defies classification: definitely not typical church fare. Do you know of Rita Springer? Another of Ruis's associates; you might appreciate her tunes as well. Good, earthy voice, probing questions. Seems to me that folks wanting to get closer to God oughta be asking more questions. . .
Yeah, I know Rita Springer too - both of them are very good at writing worship songs which draw the worshiper into intimacy (that's what I'm always looking for in worship - I want to get *close* to God). "You Are Still Holy" is one of those songs, by Rita, and "True Love" by David is amazing. I don't have that many of his CDs or collaborations, but I've been with both of them at various worship conferences and last year at a smaller conference where Ruis was the primary speaker (he was really good, too - very challenging!).
ReplyDeleteThe "poem" is actually a song (I've been writing songs since I was 12, so that's a looong time!) and in the last couple of years have finally written a few things that I consider "worship songs" (we use them at my church, so they must be) - there's a very particular quality and requirements when it comes to "worship" - at least I think so! I should write about it...